Paaaain

You know one of those headaches that just don't go away and put you in the shittest mood? Well I have one of those... again. You'd think after 3 days, life would give me a break, but apparently not. And I don't like being in shit moods. I don't like pissing the people off around me with unintentional snarky comments, especially when they're people that I love. But most people either leave me alone coz they recognise the pissy mood, tell me to fuck off, or I will remove myself and go and brood somewhere by myself. I'm not used to someone sitting and taking it all, and seeing me through the day.. it actually made me feel like a complete asshole.. which is no bad thing coz I was one. Not that I did anything bad, I was just a snarky sarcastic bitch. The bad thing was I could pin point the exact moment it started to bother and upset her and, I dunno, it made me feel like a complete prick.. coz I don't ever wanna do that..

I don't want people to take my shit for no apparent reason. I don't want them to accept it. I don't want them to think it's ok for me to do it. Coz it's not. It actually makes me angry for them to think it, coz I wonder what kind of shit they must have been through to think that that kind of stuff is ok. It actually makes me feel better for them to tell me to stop taking my shitty mood out on them and fuck off. I can work it out better that way. I'm not the kind of person who likes to talk it out. I can't talk about my feelings. I find it hard to open up to people. I'm a complete introvert. I keep myself to myself and concentrate on other people. Conversation about me and my feelings makes me uncomfortable.

Anyway, I'm starting to digress and it's 4.18am so I should probably try to get to sleep again. Bonne nuit...