Regrets

Skip to 0.40 if you don't want to listen to the talking at the start

It's funny how life turns out.. How you can spend your whole life working towards something only to see it blow up in your face. One year you can be the happiest you've ever been and the next you could be desperately struggling to drag yourself off the floor. I guess it stops you getting complacent... reminding you that nothing in life is certain or permanent, and to appreciate the things you do have coz tomorrow they may be gone.

I have many regrets. I frequently find myself saying "I wish I did this" or "If only I'd done that." I always dwell on the past instead of letting it go and moving on. It's one of my main flaws. I'm not going to lie and say I'm going to stop it coz I can't. I can try to stop doing it as much, but I can't eradicate it altogether. It's like me saying I'm going to stop worrying about things.. If you don't call me when you should or you don't come home when you usually do, I'm going to assume something horrible has happened to you and that you are lying in a ditch dying somewhere. I'm a worrier, I'm an overthinker, and I'm a complete pessimist. I'm not going to change. I'm going to beat myself up over things past, I'm going to dwell on them until something new comes and replaces it, I'm goin to worry about money, and disappointing people, and not doing the right thing. It's what I do. [I totally had a point, but I seem to have lost it somewhere in my worrying rant..]

I usually only have one or two regrets at a time, but these last few months have me overburdened, and no matter what I do, I just seem to add to them. I need someone to light a fire under my ass.. get me out of my funk. I think the problem is I have nothing to look forward to. I have a whole lot of nothing ahead of me. I need that little spark of hope.. something to work towards.. something tangible. I guess we'll see what tomorrow brings.